


Fire Alarms Are Not Conductive To Relaxation

by TheseusInTheMaze



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: ABDL, Daddy Kink, Diapers, Incest, M/M, Masturbation, Wetting, diaper change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 07:39:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19352488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/pseuds/TheseusInTheMaze
Summary: It was Klaus’s fault.That had been the running theme for most of Diego’s life, and it didn’t seem to be stopping now. Because Klaus just sohappenedto be smoking one of his horrible cigarettes right by the smoke alarm (why did the house even have working smoke alarms, considering… well, everything), and the whole house had broken out into a mess of screaming and then they’d all had to run out, and were now standing in front while Luther talked earnestly to an amused looking fireman.Klaus inadvertently interrupts Diego's relaxation time.





	Fire Alarms Are Not Conductive To Relaxation

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the kink meme!
> 
> Klaus is kind of manipulative in this fic. Not really on a dub-con level, but if you don't like someone maneuvering a bit, maybe give this fic a skip.

It was Klaus’s fault. 

That had been the running theme for most of Diego’s life, and it didn’t seem to be stopping now. Because Klaus just so _happened_ to be smoking one of his horrible cigarettes right by the smoke alarm (why did the house even have working smoke alarms, considering… well, everything), and the whole house had broken out into a mess of screaming and then they’d all had to run out, and were now standing in front while Luther talked earnestly to an amused looking fireman. 

Klaus was smoking another cigarette and he wasn’t wearing a shirt. Luther’s layers looked more hastily put on than usual, and he wasn’t wearing his gloves. Vanya was wrapped in a robe that looked to be from their days as kids (it probably was - it probably still fit her from back then) and looked like she was going to fall over. Allison had cold cream on her face and her hair was wrapped up. And Diego… well.

He was wearing pants. He was wearing thick pants, and that was the important part. Nobody would notice anything else, right? Everyone was two thirds asleep. His shirt was long enough that it would hide anything else, as long as he didn't lift his arms up at the wrong moment. 

"Klaus," Luther said, as the firefighter made his way back to the truck, "check for smoke detectors." He yawned, wide enough that his jaw cracked loudly enough that Vanya winced. Diego was impressed. 

"Yeah, yeah," said Klaus, and he made a dismissive hand gesture. Then he was _draping himself_ over Diego's back, his long arms over Diego's shoulders, his skinny chest against Diego's back. And his crotch against Diego's ass, which was a problem, since Diego's ass was… different from usual. "You still love me, don't you, bro?" 

Diego went very still, then tried to wriggle free. He didn't have his usual range of motion, what with... one thing and another. There was a reason he only did this kind of thing when he knew that there wouldn't be any craziness. He had even taken a night off! Although maybe it was his own fault for assuming that there wouldn't be any craziness. It was always _something_ around here. 

"Klaus, get off of me," Diego said. Hopefully Klaus wasn't noticing the… softness against his front. 

Klaus squirmed, wriggling his hips against Diego's ass, and Diego resisted the urge to cover his face and groan. Klaus would latch on to that - little fucker was always good at zeroing in on discomfort and poking it until he got a reaction. Which was precisely why Diego _didn't_ want Klaus to know. 

"But you didn't answer my question," he whined, and he pressed a wet, smacking kiss to Diego's neck, his hands on Diego's hips. 

"Klaus," Diego said in a warning tone. 

Klaus's fingers slid under Diego's shirt, and he patted Diego's belly. Then they yanked back, and Klaus took two steps back, looking Diego up and down. His skin seemed to glow orange under the streetlights. "I knew you loved me, bro," Klaus said, and he winked 

Diego flushed. Klaus hadn't felt… well, all of that, had he? No way. 

"Just checking on my favorite brother," Klaus said, as they their way back into the house. "You'll be good, right? Don't need me to tuck you in?" 

Diego shot Klaus a look, and it must have had enough venom (or maybe naked panic?) that Klaus held both hands up in a placating manner. 

"Sorry," Klaus said. "Just… you know I love you, right?" 

That was alarmingly close to emotional sincerity, and Diego was too on edge to deal with that right now.

"Yeah, yeah," he said, and he yawned, going down the corridor towards his room. 

He heard Klaus say something in response, but his head was too foggy. He had been in that sweet, soft place that his mind sometimes went when he wore… disposable underwear and did something simple and childish, like color or stack blocks. He had a whole box of cute stuff , under a false bottom of his knife trunk. 

… Even in his own head, he stumbled over the "d" word. It had been like that since he was a kid, and didn't seem to be showing any signs of stopping. 

At least he’d remembered to close his bedroom door - he slid back in, surveyed the space. His special blanket - the blue one, with the nubbly fabric - was still on the bed. So was the stuffed elephant. He… probably needed to get better about hiding those things. He hadn’t been thinking straight. The alarm had just startled him out of the nice place he’d been in.

He had a night that he’d wrangled to be free, and well, free nights generally meant that he could… indulge. He locked the door behind him (he’d installed a lock, as soon as he’d moved back home), and now… Diego sighed, and he leaned back against the door, letting his eyes slide shut. He slid a hand down between his legs, and he pressed the thick padding against himself. He had to pee - he _really_ needed to pee, although he wasn’t very good at peeing like this yet. He’d only done it twice so far.

Who knew that wetting yourself was an actual skill you had to work on? He closed his eyes, trying to relax. Some part of his brain was still insisting that he couldn’t just pee _here_ , he was in his own room, not the bathroom. He wasn't even peeing up a tree. He breathed deeply, rocking on his heels slowly. His hands stroked across his hips, listening to the crinkle of the plastic, and he sighed again. He let his hand rest against the crotch of his pants, and he squeezed. More crinkly plastic. He hadn't worn disposable ones, when he had been a baby. Dear old Dad had put them in cloth. It was one reason he wanted disposable in the first place. 

He gave another gusty sigh, and then… he was going. He was pissing, and it was warm, wet against his skin. _I'm wetting a diaper like a baby_ , washed over Diego, like a wave. He shuddered, still going, and he shoved down the waistband of his pants, pressing down on the front of the diaper. He could feel the warmth of it through the plastic, and he hissed through his teeth. He was still peeing, but it was tapering off - he was getting hard, his cock swelling up to fill the hot, wet padding. 

Diego rubbed the head of his cock through the wet diaper, his other hand over his mouth. He was trying to breathe - carefully, so that he wasn't panting - and he let the sensation of it burrow down into his guts, the arousal at the knowledge of what he was doing just sitting there like a ball of hot lead. _I'm jerking myself off in a wet diaper_ , he thought, and he gave another gasping moan around his own hand. God, this was.. .this was sick. It was dirty. He shouldn't have loved it as much as he did, and _yet_. 

The crinkling sound - of his hand, moving over the plastic - filled his bedroom, and he whined, letting his hips roll forward. The last time he'd done this, he'd been too embarrassed to touch the front of the diaper - he'd humped his own pillow, letting his cock rub against the wet padding, until he'd come so hard that he had collapsed. But now he was touching it, feeling the vague shape of his cock, all sensation muffled through the plastic. It was... an odd sensation, to say the least, but definitely not an unpleasant one. If he had some kind of vibrator, it would have been even better - imagine humping a vibrator through a diaper. Eudora had used her bulky, plug into the wall vibrator on him a few times, and that had been intense. 

Oh, Eudora. She'd been the one to call him out on some of his... interests. She hadn't actually figured out what this one was, but she'd at least made him feel better about it. 

But now wasn't the time to think about that. Right now was for thinking about... about what? Someone - someone _nebulous_ , calling him a good boy, a good baby. A good baby, and he was going to make another mess in his diaper, he was going to... he was going to come. He was going to come in the diaper, in his _wet_ diaper, and he was sobbing as he humped into his hand, his heels digging into the floor, his weight heavy against the door. He kept rubbing, until there were fireworks erupting behind his eyes, and his cock shot load after load of stringy, thick come into the sodden diaper. He sighed, thick and hard, and he flopped back against the door, his heart still beating a million miles an hour.

God, but that was intense. His cock was tender, almost chafed in the heat of the diaper. He was still shaking, and his head was full of cotton candy, sweet and thick. He wanted to suck his thumb, wanted to curl up and rock himself, maybe pull his blanket over his head. He wanted... urgh. He wanted to get out of the wet diaper now, actually. It was already starting to get _cold_ , and it was heavy between his legs, bulging. He liked the way it made him waddle, but it was still... well, it was still a bit much. 

And then there was a knock on the door. 

Diego nearly screamed, his hand over his chest. If he hadn't just wet, he would have peed his pants. He tried to collect himself, tried to get his mind back to where words were a thing that he could access, where he wasn't just a little baby. He needed to be Diego Hargreeves, the Kraken. He needed to be a grown up. 

Damn did he hate being a grown up right now. 

"What," Diego called, and his voice sounded more or less like his own, to his ear. 

"Diego, I want to talk to you about something," said Klaus, and his voice was almost sing-song. "You'd do that for your favorite brother, right?" 

"Klaus," Diego said heavily. The diaper was still thick between his legs, heavy and over saturated. It was too damn hard to _think_ like this. 

"So you agree that I'm your favorite brother!" There was a thud on the other side of the door - it sounded as if Klaus had dramatically thrown himself against the door. Oh, Klaus. 

"What do you _want_ , Klaus?" Diego was aware of how grumpy he sounded. He just needed to... reign it in. 

"I'm just worried about you," said Klaus. "I noticed you were walking a little funny. I'm worried you may be dealing with some kind of injury, so I thought I'd check in on you." 

"I'm fine," said Diego. "Don't worry about me." 

"You're my brother," said Klaus. "And you're a horrible liar."

"I'm not lying!"

"So you'll open the door! Wonderful!" The doorknob rattled. 

"Klaus, I'm _fine_ ," Diego repeated. 

"So you can open the door and tell me," Klaus said cheerfully. 

“Klaus,” Diego growled.

“I know how to pick a lock with a nail file,” said Klaus. “Do you really want to test me?” 

“You’re such a jerk,” Diego groused, but he stood up, hitching his pants a little higher. Hopefully Klaus wouldn’t notice the bulge between his legs. He wouldn’t be walking a lot, so he wouldn’t have to worry about the waddle. It would all be fine. 

So he opened the door, and he stepped back, shoving his hands in his pockets - _carefully_ \- and letting Diego step in. “I’m fine,” he told Klaus, as his brother all but sauntered in. 

“Are you sure about that?” Klaus raised an eyebrow. 

Diego frowned. His room smelled like piss - not a lot, but just enough that Klaus could probably notice. Assuming that Klaus could smell anything - all those cigarettes he smoked probably left him pretty close to nose dead, all things considered. “Klaus,” he said, and he took a step back, crossing his arms over his chest. “Why are you suddenly so in my business?”

And then one of his tapes broke. It made a quiet little rustling noise, but he was aware of the feeling first - the tension of the wet diaper suddenly lessening a whole lot, and the diaper was sagging down his leg, the inside of it exposed to the air. It was pressing into the front of his sweatpants, and... oh no. 

Klaus’s eyes were zeroing in on the crotch. “Oh, Diego,” Klaus said, and his tone was syrupy. He closed the door behind him, at least.

“Klaus,” Diego said, and he was blushing. He was having a lot of feelings, and he didn’t know what any of them _were_ , but there were a lot of them. 

“Diego,” Klaus counterd. “I think you’re wet.”

“I’m -” Diego began.

“Listen,” Klaus cut him off, “you don’t have to start in on your ridiculous ‘this isn’t what it looks like’ because I honestly can’t imagine what else it would look like.” He crossed his arms across his chest, rocking back on his heels. “I won’t judge you for your weird interests, in hopes that maybe you’ll stop giving me shit for mine.” 

Diego opened his mouth to argue, and Klaus put a finger over his lips.

“However,” Klaus continued, “you need to get out of that wet thing, and to put those wet pants in the laundry. How about I help you with that?” There was an almost manic edge to Klaus’s expression that was making Diego faintly weary.

“Why?” Was all that Diego said. His head was full of the sweet, cotton candy fog. 

“Because,” said Klaus, “you’ve helped me through my own embarrassing problems.”

Diego couldn’t really argue with that. “Can you just get this thing to the garbage, while I shower?”

“Why shower?” Klaus waggled his eyebrows. “How about you put on a clean diaper, I’ll throw out the wet one, put your wet pants in the laundry.”

Diego blushed at the “d” word - it somehow sounded even _more_ perverse coming out of Klaus’s mouth. He needed to get back to himself, and not be this wobbling, embarrassing… _thing_. “I should… I mean…”

“If you shower, everyone is going to wonder why you’re showering now,” Klaus said. “You know how noisy the pipes are around here. People might think you’re up to something.”

If Diego was in a reasonable frame of mind, he might have called bullshit on that. They all tended to keep to themselves later at night, as a leftover from the days when they hadn’t had much in the way of privacy as kids. They were all a bunch of incredibly self absorbed people, and who cared why someone was showering at who knew what time?

But he wasn’t thinking reasonably. So he just said, tiredly, “fine,” because he couldn’t argue with Klaus when Klaus was pouring on the charm. The guy could put as much compulsion into his voice as Allison, when he set his mind to it. 

“Let’s get you out of that dirty thing,” said Klaus, and his hands were going to the waistband of Diego’s sweatpants. 

“I can do it myself,” Diego said, hooking his thumbs into the elastic and shoving them down. 

The oversaturated diaper, having had enough, evidently, fell down his legs with a saturated “flop” sound. 

“Evidently,” Klaus said dryly.

Diego blushed harder. He should have thrown a knife at Klaus, or maybe shouted him out of the room. Instead, he was standing here with his dick out, cold from his wet piss. 

“Oh, buddy,” Klaus said, and he put a hand under Diego’s chin, to bring on some eye contact. “You really had to go, huh?”

“Why are you doing this?” Diego’s voice broke. “Are you… is this a j-j-j-joke to you?” Oh, fuck, his stutter was back. That only showed up when he was especially worked up, but oh boy did it seem to be back right now.

“Because you’re my brother and I love you,” Klaus said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You obviously need someone to take care of you.” He thumbed Diego’s cheekbone, and then he sighed. “And… maybe I need someone to take care of,” he added, in a moment of clarity that was more than Diego usually expected from Klaus.

"You need it too?" That was a trippy thing for Diego to think about. 

"I need a lot of things, brother," Klaus said, and his face looked downright sad. "How about we clean you up?"

"I can clean myself up," Diego said, although just about every part of him wanted to agree with Klaus, to go along with Klaus's… whatever this was. 

"Yeah, but I can clean you up," said Klaus. "C'mon. Step out of that thing, I'll wipe you down."

 _I'm going to let my brother wipe me down_ , said some hysterical part of Diego's mind. _I'm going to be changed like an actual baby_ , said some louder part of his mind. He wished that he was holding on to his blanket, pressing his face into it. He wanted to rub it against his cheek, rock himself. He wanted to suck his thumb, and that was embarrassing enough as it was. 

"Alright, there we go," said Klaus, and he was using a soothing, sweet voice. "Do you have wipes? Dumb question, of course you do. Where are your wipes, buddy?" 

Diego pointed under the bed. He kept the diapers there, and the wipes. He probably needed a better place to hide his various illicit things, now that he thought about it. Although was this even that illicit? 

"Come on… let's lie you down… there we go. Oh. I should have put a towel down. Oh well." 

Klaus was just… talking. Admittedly, this wasn't new - Diego's brother had a motor mouth in mundane circumstances, and he tended to chatter when he was nervous. Was he nervous? 

“Let me just… get your wipes, we’ll clean you up…” Klaus’s hand was on Diego’s inner thigh as he bent down to dig around under Diego’s bed. “I’ll put you in a nice dry diaper, throw out the wet one, shove your wet pants in the laundry… all of this is totally doable.” 

“Are you okay?” Diego managed to get his mind back to itself… more or less. Sort of. Although now the embarrassment was gnawing at his guts uncomfortably. Welp. 

“I’m fine,” Klaus said, and he stood up. He was holding a pack of baby wipes. “Let’s get you all cleaned up.” He was standing over Diego now, and he looked so much _bigger_ now. A little tendril of arousal uncurled in Diego’s gut, and he bit his lip, his whole face turning red. Luckily, he’d just come, or this would be… well, a lot more embarrassing. 

As it was, it was pretty damn embarrassing, but the embarrassing was mixing up with the arousal and the cotton candy in his head, and it was leaving him tongue tied and flustered. So he just… lay there, as Klaus gently cleaned him off with the wipes, hissing through his teeth when the cold material passed over his overheated body. 

“There we go, isn’t that nicer? That’s a lot nicer.” Klaus was _still_ talking, and Diego was covering his face with his hands now, too embarrassed to make eye contact, too embarrassed to even _think_ , because it just kept happening. The sound of another wipe being removed, wiping Diego’s thigh, wiping Diego’s balls, along Diego’s shaft. He was still sensitive from his orgasm, and he almost whimpered, then bit it back.

No.

He’d hold on to some dignity, at least. 

“Okay,” said Klaus. “I’m going to need you to lift your hips up for me, buddy. Yeah, there we go, let me just… get this under you. Okay.” He patted Diego on the hip again, and Diego fell back down onto the diaper. “Alright,” Klaus said, “I’m gonna level with you.”

“Mmm?” Diego kept his face covered, as some desperate part of him reveled in the sensation of being handled so carefully.

“I’m new at this. So I may fuck it up.” Klaus was grabbing the baby powder now, and he let a big poof of it down onto Diego’s crotch. He rubbed the powder into the smooth skin of Diego’s groin, along his balls, and even over his inner thighs. “I’ve never done this with a normal sized baby, let alone a big one like you.” 

Diego bristled… and then relaxed. He was too relaxed, too mellow, his head too full of whatever it was that left him so dopey. He kept his face covered, and he fought the urge to suck his thumb.

“Let’s just get you… nice and taped in, there we go…” There was more rustling, and then Diego paused, his brain finally catching up with what was going on.

“H-h-h-hold on,” Diego said, and his voice was rough.

“What’s the matter, bud?” Klaus paused, and Diego finally got a look at Klaus’s face, and saw that it was tight with anxiety.

“If you… m-m-m-my… hold on.” Diego reached down awkwardly, rearranging his cock so that it was pointing down. “I”d p-p-piss all over the.. It leaks.”

“You know this from experience, I take it?” Klaus looked amused as he taped Diego in, tightly. Tighter than Diego had ever managed to tape himself in - he’d always been at self taping, for some reason. But it was snug, secure, and Diego reached down to pat the front in spite of himself. 

“We should get you some cute ones,” Klaus said, his tone speculative. “Oh well. Next time.” He dusted his hands off, “Now,” he said, “Daddy is going to throw all of the garbage out, and put everything else in the washer. You be good while I’m gone.” 

Diego gave a vague thumbs up, pressing his thighs together, just to feel the thick heavy padding between them. Then his brain caught up with his ears. “Wait, Daddy?”

And Klaus was out the door.

**Author's Note:**

> And thus, twenty odd fics in, I am officially a member of this fandom, as I have written weird diaper porn for it!


End file.
